10. You Don’t Need To Learn About Your Body
couple years ago my mother, then 65, asked me where and what the clitoris is. Having been raised Catholic and having had only two partners in her life, she wasn’t exactly sure. She had had orgasms, but still was unaware of where her clitoris was and, in addition to that, couldn’t for the life of her, name the parts of her body “down there,” as she called it. Good thing her daughter writes about sex and realizes that although she’s my mom, she’s still a sexual being. So, although a bit awkward at first, I have my mom her first lesson on the female anatomy “down there.”
Whether it was her Catholic upbringing or a shyness about sex, my mother didn’t feel she had to know about her body in that regard. If it felt good, great! But as to the why and how, wasn’t something she felt she needed to examine. In Boyajian’s years as a dom, she found that many people, like my mom, felt they didn’t need to learn about their body.
“There were many issues that came up frequently during my time as a dominatrix, but I would say the most frequent one was lack of understanding people had about their own bodies and how hard people found it to communicate about their bodies,” says Boyajian. “You have to be very aware and receptive to human bodies when working with them, making sure no activity is harmful and the sensations you’re trying to inflict is what is actually is being felt. However, it was surprising how hard it was for some people to explain what they were feeling or even what they wanted to feel. Before each session, I would talk to the client about what they were looking for and how they wanted to feel. When I delved deeper, asking questions about what areas of their body they enjoy most, where they were most sensitive, or what sensations they preferred, many of them couldn’t answer. They had never asked themselves these questions before.”
11. Sex Shouldn’t Be Discussed
“The misconception that really blows my mind, even to this day, is that sex (and our sex lives) should be kept private, and not discussed openly,” says Boyajian. “I find this notion that our sexualities should hidden from view to be extremely harmful and hypocritical. Compartmentalizing our sexual selves from all other areas of our lives can be a destructive. Though I do think it is important to maintain a sense of privacy around some areas of your sex life, some subjects and issues can benefit from being shared. How is your partner suppose to know what feels good you? How are you suppose to know what gets them off? Until we develop the powers of mind reading, sex should always be discussed.”
Since knowledge is power, Boyajian want you (all of us!) to get ourselves educated in regards to sex. There are lots of resources out there, but it’s important to stick to credited sites, as opposed to forums, she says. For all the information out there, there’s just as much misinformation. “I assure you whatever your circumstances are, someone else has felt or been in the same position as you and there is a book to prove it,” says Boyajian. “Also finding a community can be very important. Attending events or meet-ups with like minded people can help you create connections and share knowledge and experiences.”
12. Condoms aren’t effective
A ripped condom is the center of so many rom-com plot lines that some people approach our rubber friends with skepticism. That perception is also exacerbated by some abstinence-only sex-ed programs, that falsely claim that condoms don’t work, Holt said.
Condoms are 98 percent effective at preventing pregnancy. And they’re also the only method of birth control that also protects against most sexually transmitted infections (STIs).